Day 15 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar. I hadn’t come across this book before but the title speaks volumes to me. For so long I pursued a life of perfection, eventually realising of course it was unreachable because it doesn’t exist. Tal Ben-ShaharBen-Shahar offers the alternative he calls, optimalism which is much more empowered than the sense of lack given by pursuing perfection.

To quote from the book, Ben-Shahar says, “a perfectionist holds herself to impossible standards that result in pain and suffering to include, low self-esteem, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, OCD, chronic fatigue, panic disorder, social phobia and serious difficulties in relationships.”  Wow! It’s important to realise that mistakes and failures happen, that’s life and the way we view these will affect our quality of life.  If we view the glass as half full then we can find something good in any situation. It’s also important, as Tal says, “to fail frequently, because it means you try frequently, put yourself on the line and challenge yourself…from this we learn and grow.” We always have a choice and if we view failure and mistakes as opportunity and something we can learn from, it allows us to be the creators of our lives and not victims.

I’m a huge fan of Cognitive Therapy and the idea of viewing things as they truly are rather than through the filter of personal interpretation. Tal says, “the goal of cognitive therapy is to restore a sense of realism by getting rid of distorted thinking. When we identify an irrational thought, we change the way we think about the event and thereby change the way we feel… the distorted thought elicits an intense and unhealthy fear of failure, the rational thought reframes the situation and puts it into perspective.” This is viewing things as they really are, not as they appear to us.

I’d like to conclude with a rather wonderful new take on The Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do to you) that Ben-Shahar calls, ‘The Platinum Rule. ‘ We often show kindness to others but fail to do the same toward ourselves. He says, “why the double standard?”  The new rule is, “do not to yourself what you would not do unto others.” Show the same level of compassion and encouragement to yourself as you would to your best friend and from this point you can begin to experience optimalism.

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