Entries tagged with “happiness”.
Did you find what you wanted?
Mon 26 Apr 2010
I love it when personal development ideas are backed up with good old scientific research. There are many books in the tried and tested category, some definitely more scientific than others. Sonja’s book is the result of many years of research into how we can increase our levels of happiness and she is a prominent figure in the positive psychology movement. I’d like to begin by focusing on what she calls the ‘40% solution’ which is how we should focus on the 40% of the happiness capabilities that we are able to control. Why 40%? Well, Sonja says that 50% of our happiness is determined by our genes and we have what is called a ‘happiness setpoint’ that we gravitate towards. (Marci Schimoff also mentions this in her wonderful book, ‘Happy for No Reason.’) Another 10% of our happiness is governed by our life circumstances. Now knowing that this is only 10%, it is quite thought provoking to know that it governs things like wealth accumulation, perception of attractiveness, material possessions and so on. These things are impermanent and give only short term satisfaction. The 40% solution is in our day to day behaviour, is how we think and is completely within our control. This is an extremely powerful fact and as Sonja says, to harness it we must make an effort to change the way we think. She says, “becoming lastingly happier demands making some permanent changes that require effort and commitment every day of your life. Pursuing happiness takes work but consider this ‘happiness work’ may be the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.”
The second part of the book lists 12 happiness activities that have been proven scientifically to increase our levels of happiness. As I read through the list, I am struck by the fact that each and every one has been mentioned in the most prominent personal development books of our time. Yes, this list works and I think everything is covered here.
- Expressing gratitude – be thankful for your experiences, the people, places and things in your life and your situation.
- Cultivating optimism – try to see the good things every day, focus on them.
- Avoiding overthinking and social comparison – thinking and worrying about things too much does you no good unless you can actually make positive steps to change things. Forget comparing yourself to others.
- Practising acts of kindness – give without thought of receiving anything in return.
- Nurturing social relationships – keep those special bonds strong.
- Developing strategies for coping – there are lots of choices out there to help you with difficult times. Find something that suits you.
- Learning to forgive – when you harbour a grudge, anger or hatred, you are not only resisting your own development but you are hurting yourself in the process. The Dalai Lama said,”having anger or hatred for someone is like picking up hot coals with the view of throwing them at the object of your hatred but holding on to them instead.
- Increasing flow experiences – allow energy to flow in your life, it’s truly living and experiencing life and all it’s dynamics.
- Savouring life’s joys – appreciate the moments and experiences with laughter and enjoyment.
10. Commiting to goals – set a plan and stick to it, be true to your goals and make definite steps to achieving them.
11. Practising religion and spirituality – take care of your spiritual connection, make sure that part of you is nurtured.
12. Taking care of your body: meditation, physical activity and acting like a happy person – These three things together can increase your happiness levels immensely when you commit to making them part of your every day life.
What an amazing list! Sonja has everything covered here, don’t you think? Applying these may be a bit of a struggle at first if your happiness setpoint is generally low but over time, if you commit to them consistently, your whole being will change, physically, emotionally and spiritually. That’s scientific fact.
Mon 15 Mar 2010
Day 46 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Man Who Tapped the Secrets of the Universe by Glenn Clark. In this beautiful little book, Glenn Clark writes about the wonderfully talented genius that is Walter Russell. Walter lived from 1871 to 1963 and firmly believed that genius was in everyone. Unfortunately, it is never discovered by many due to the way that we think. Walter says, “some appear to have it more than others only because they are aware of it more than others are and the awareness or unawareness of it is what makes each one of them into masters or hold them down to mediocrity.” This genius, Walter believes is manifested in 3 different ways. Firstly, by the amount of work they produce, secondly they never know tiredness/exhaustion and thirdly, they improve vastly as they grow older. He says, “great men’s lives begin at forty, when the mediocre man’s life ends.” Wow! This quote is most definitely a rapturous one for me as I approach my 40th birthday and yes, I can believe that for some people it seems like the beginning of the end. However, around this time it can also feel like a whole new chapter of contentment, excitement, confidence and wisdom.
In order to connect with our genius, Walter suggests something that is echoed by so many personal development thinkers, past and present and that is, to appreciate the stillness. He says, “if you are alone long enough to get thoroughly acquainted with yourself, you will hear whispering from the universal source of all unconsciousness which will improve you…lock yourself up in your room or go out into the woods where you can be alone.” I can’t agree with this strongly enough. Too much conscious mind chit-chat limits our potential and keeps us from what we are truly capable of. Connecting with that stillness not only recharges your batteries but helps you gain flashes of insight that normal everyday life might be unable to give you.
And what of our daily life? Tasks should be completed with love and happiness, even the most mundane. There are things that we would perhaps rather not do but doing them with hatred or disagreement of any kind won’t get it done any more quickly or easily, nor is it worth the negativity it creates in your body. Walter says, “there should be no distasteful tasks in one’s life. If you just hate to do a thing, that hatred for it develops body-destructive toxins and you become fatigued very soon.” Ever noticed the difference in how worn out you feel when you have a negative attitude toward something? Housework is one of the best forms of exercise so how about hoovering with a little happiness and see how differently you feel!
Mon 15 Feb 2010
Day 26 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Do You by Russell Simmons. Russell is such an interesting and vibrant individual. Amongst many other things, he was the co-founder of Def Jam records that signed such legends as LL Cool J, Public Enemy and The Beastie Boys. In Do You, he focuses on the strategies that helped him to build his ‘Rush Communications’ business that emerged from the record label and he has been named one of America’s 25 ‘most fascinating entrepreneurs.’
An essential idea that Russell begins with is, when you have a vision or something you wish to achieve, focus on it and stick with it. He says,
”in my experience, there’s only one way thing that will always steer you toward success: that’s to have vision and to stick with it…once I have a vision for a new venture, I’m going to ride that vision until the wheels come off.” If it’s worth doing, it’s worth practising and following through until the end result is achieved. Follow it through to full fruition!
One thing that is constantly touched on by so many self-help authors is the feeling of gratitude and how it can make a happier, more fulfilled existence and Russell agrees. “When I start my day by reflecting on all the things I have to be grateful for, I’ll have a much more rewarding day.” I can’t stress enough how much I agree with Russell. Gratitude for breakfast makes for a beutiful day and a beautiful restful sleep when contemplated just before you drop off at night.
As I approach a certain milestone age in my life, I truly believe that I can do so many more things now that I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do 20 years ago. I’m older, definitely wiser in many ways (some ways, not so much! ;D) and have gained so much more peace in myself. So when Russell says, “age ain’t nothing but a number,” I am wholly inclined to agree with him. If you trust in yourself and your own inner guidance, you can be sure of this. Fundamentally, you are never tooold to start following your dream or your passion. Once you get past a certain age, it really feels as if time begins to speed up and this should always serve as a reminder that life is too short not to follow your heart. It’s your life!
Thu 4 Feb 2010
Day 19 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff. This is perhaps one of the best titles ever of any self-help book and there is lots of wisdom in it’s pages. Happy For No Reason is not about the highs and lows of happiness, it’s being haapy, content and at peace with yourself. Marci says, “it isn’t elation, euphoria, mood spikes or peak experiences that don’t last….when you are happy for no reason, you can have any emotion but you still experience that underlying state of peace and well-being.
Philosophers Notes gives a very thought provoking quote from The Upanishads
, “Happiness for any reason is just another form of misery.” Circumstances fluctuate so rapidly and because of the impermanence of all things, the reason you are happy will not stay the same, it will change like everything else. We can be happy for bad reasons like drugs and alcohol, good reasons like relationships and career. However, happy for no reason is living from happiness rather than for happiness.
Marci quotes Thomas Jefferson who said that the common use of the word ‘pursue’ was not to ‘chase after’ something but to practice an activity and make a habit of it. This integrates it into your everyday life so it becomes natural, it is not something just out of reach to be chased. Marci says, “people with high happiness ’set points’ are human just like the rest of us. They don’t have any special powers…they just have different habits. Psychologists say that at least 90% of all behaviour is habitual. So to become happier, you need to look at your habits.”
Marci talks about the power of neuroplasticity, a subject that I am extremely interested in, and the fact that we are re-wiring our brains moment to moment, positively or negatively. She says, ”we need to incline our mind to joy” and quotes a beautiful piece of Cherokee wisdom: One evening, a Cherokee elder told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside of people. He said, “my son, the battle is between two wolves that live inside us all. One is unhappiness, fear, worry, anger and the other is happiness, joy, love, kindness and truth.” The grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one you feed.”
A beautiful story and a perfect illustration of how what we focus on or ‘feed’ increases. There is plenty of room inside your amazing brain to increase your happiness habits – every day.