trulythinking.com

I was talking to a good friend of mine on Skype last weekend and we got round to the subject of ‘life’ getting in the way of what’s important and how we seem to attract the same learning curves over and over that can make us feel like things are spiralling out of control. Some people seem to stay centred and calm during these learning curves and others feel chaos, despair and a whole host of negative emotions. We both agreed that the two things go together, if you don’t spend time each day centring and connecting with what is important to you then you feel that chaos and disconnectedness more and more frequently. When I was younger, I spent too much time in this chaotic feeling, juggling many things at once and worried if things weren’t perfect. I would drive myself crazy trying to control situations (and often people too!) It’s no wonder that I attracted more chaos and when I think back to how ridiculous this was, I’m thankful that I have come a long way.

However, every now and then old habits can resurface if you allow negative thought patterns to dominate. This is why it is so important to have some time every day to centre yourself. For my good friend, it’s doing yoga for an hour or so every morning. Not only does this wake up every part of the body, it has an incredible affect on the mind too. Because of this, she approaches everyday challenges with a calm centre, which then helps her connect with that inner knowingness (that we all have) during the ebb and flow of living. Now this idea of yoga every morning might do nothing for you and that’s because you will have your own things that make you feel more centred. This will come in the form of that which is most important to you (truly). This could be your family, animals or nature. It could be listening to or playing music, spending time on what you feel most passionate about. Make a point of spending 30 minutes – 1 hour less every day on the more trivial things (yes, this probably means work) so that you can focus on what matters most to you.

Staying centred and having that sense of peace or inner satisfaction every day gives you a very different perspective on everything. Life no longer ‘gets in the way’ of the important things, it’s just life and you begin to see the precious nature of it more and more.

“The Great Way is easy yet people prefer the side paths. Be aware when you are out of balance, stay centred within the Tao.” (Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu)

When we don’t spend time getting centred on a regular basis, our life can feel a little more out of balance and at worst, really chaotic. When this happens, we tend to attract more and more of this chaos which can come in the form of people or situations. That is when life can feel like it’s spiralling out of control and you don’t have enough time to spend on the things that matter. You may also become ill or unable to do things and this might be your body’s way of slowing you down. If you get to this stage, it’s time to stop and get rid of any unnecessary clutter.

For me, this used to happen once a year and always around the same time, Easter. My back would go completely, rendering me immobile. I literally couldn’t move! I had to stay in the one place until I was able to hobble to the car to get taken to the chiropractor. This was my body’s signal for me to stop and get centred. Over time, when it kept happening again and again, I decided that I had to minimalise what I was doing to focus more on what was really important – not what others expected of me. One thing that I found particularly helpful, as a basis for clearing my mind and renewing my energy, was to minimise and de-clutter my living space.

Now it’s no secret that Chinese culture has held this in such high importance for thousands of years. This minimalisation helps to clear the clutter from your mind and allows you to focus on what is really important. By de-cluttering your living space, Feng Shui tells us that it allows the energy to flow rather than allowing it to get blocked in certain areas of your house or flat (and as a result, your mind and life). Is there an area of your life where everything feels like it’s building up (not in a good way) and you can’t think straight? Does it feel like the energy is blocked and you can’t make a decision? Check your living space for clutter or jobs that need to be done. It doesn’t have to feel like a chore. I always use that time to play music that I love to sing along to or play an audio of an inspirational seminar or book. It clears the mind and allows more energy for the things that matter. I always find that decisions are so much easier to make because the answer often comes to us as we are concentrating on other things. If it still feels like a mammoth task, try to do a little bit every day. You will be amazed at how different you feel and how it allows much more time and renewed energy for the important things.

I don’t have to tell you how precious time is.

It is always possible to get more money in some way or another but time, we can’t get back. When I look at my daily life objectively, I know that there are things that I’m spending too much time on unnecessarily and that my energy isn’t always used effectively. However, I do believe that there are ways to claim your energy back and absorb every moment of this precious time, in a way that enables us to truly live.

1. Be present and immerse yourself completely in what you are doing. Too much time is taken up every day on unnecessary worrying and negative thoughts, this drains us of a huge amount of energy. When you are focused on what you are actually doing you conserve your energy and you are actually present in your life. Simple things like focusing on the scenery from the bus, singing in the car or making a meal are things we might do every day but we are often not really present whilst doing them. The more you practice this, the more energy you’ll have and you’ll feel less exhausted.

2. Need to plan, organise or sort something out? Well, do it. Don’t spend unnecessary time on unimportant or less important things. If something can be done to change a situation you’re not happy with, make steps to change it. So much of our time is taken up by worrying over things we can’t change or that aren’t our business to change. If you know any classic worriers (you may be one yourself) then you’ll know exactly how much time and energy is wasted over this, especially since the things that we usually worry about hardly ever happen.

3. Take your power back! Every day we give control and power over to other people and allow their ideas and what they think of us to control what we do. Why is this? Always remember that criticisms and negativities say more about the person who utters them. Don’t spend time mulling over what someone said about you. You are literally giving power and energy over to that person. Always be yourself. If I had only known this in my teens and twenties! It’s amazing how much easier things get with age and how much less affected you become.

Practise and enjoy these 3 steps and before long, you will begin to feel you are reclaiming your time and energy. Go for it!

There is a completely empowering thought and idea that is so important, so simple and yet you may be living your life as if it were completely untrue.

You are the creator of your life.

This means not only do you make the decisions but also you choose the kinds of experiences you have in life. You decide how you interpret every situation as a result of living in creator or victim mode. Our conditioning can leave us thinking a whole host of negative things not only about ourselves but about the world in general, that are simply not true. Just because someone said that you weren’t good enough many years ago, does not mean that there is any truth in the statement but by repeating it over and over in your head, you make it true. With your thoughts, you create your world and your world is entirely as you make it.

So it’s no wonder we hit a brick wall when we try to create new things in our lives or set out on some new venture because we are dealing with two totally conflicting ideas. Robert Fritz in The Path of Least Resistance says, “the structural conflict most common in everyone’s life is formed by two competing tension-resolution systems. One is based on your desire. The other is based on an incompatible dominant belief that you are not able to fulfil your desires.”

Its no surprise then that we find it difficult to achieve things when we have this extremely strong internal conflict going on and you know, that unconscious conditioning that is governing our every decision without us consciously realising it – is much stronger than our will power. We need to re-educate ourselves. Don’t think this is possible? Well, we actually educated ourselves in the first place by thinking the same thoughts over and over – so yes, it’s completely possible to re-educate ourselves. Robert Fritz explains it brilliantly, “Without making the fundamental choice to be the predominant creative force in your life, no matter what you do to attempt to benefit yourself or enhance your life, you will merely be finding more sophisticated ways of responding to circumstances.”

It’s time to be proactive, not reactive. It’s your life!  You are in the driving seat.

Do you live life as if you have all the time in the world? This thought struck me last night for some reason, I don’t know why but it got me thinking seriously about my life, past, present and future. This weekend, I was thinking that it has been a whole year since I first considered writing a blog and although a lot has happened in that time, I get the distinct thought of, “wow, it’s May already!” I often laugh when I think that it is definitely a sign of getting old and that it feels like time begins to speed up after a certain age but there is certainly some truth in that feeling.

I wonder if it is because we are often so busy with letting the majority of the day pass without a thought of what we are doing moment to moment. So much of our day is taken up in our heads and I genuinely feel that we do not spend nearly enough time appreciating the moments. As a result, hours can become like minutes because the days are packed or we spend so much time in our conscious minds going over the same thoughts again and again. As a result, we can get to retiral age and think, “how did I get here?” Being mindful of what you are experiencing at the present moment and appreciating what is and what surrounds you is truly living, actual real experience of your life. There are moments to be savoured and love to share.

And if you have a plan, a goal or an experience you would like to manifest in your life and you feel that life is passing you by, you know changes don’t have to happen in huge leaps. Make a concerted effort to do something every day that will make those changes well and truly part of your life. Follow your heart and the universe will conspire to help you. Time can be on your side.

I love it when personal development ideas are backed up with good old scientific research. There are many books in the tried and tested category, some definitely more scientific than others. Sonja’s book is the result of many years of research into how we can increase our levels of happiness and she is a prominent figure in the positive psychology movement. I’d like to begin by focusing on what she calls the ‘40% solution’ which is how we should focus on the 40% of the happiness capabilities that we are able to control. Why 40%? Well, Sonja says that 50% of our happiness is determined by our genes and we have what is called a ‘happiness setpoint’ that we gravitate towards. (Marci Schimoff also mentions this in her wonderful book, ‘Happy for No Reason.’) Another 10% of our happiness is governed by our life circumstances. Now knowing that this is only 10%, it is quite thought provoking to know that it governs things like wealth accumulation, perception of attractiveness, material possessions and so on. These things are impermanent and give only short term satisfaction. The 40% solution is in our day to day behaviour, is how we think and is completely within our control. This is an extremely powerful fact and as Sonja says, to harness it we must make an effort to change the way we think. She says, “becoming lastingly happier demands making some permanent changes that require effort and commitment every day of your life. Pursuing happiness takes work but consider this ‘happiness work’ may be the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.”

The second part of the book lists 12 happiness activities that have been proven scientifically to increase our levels of happiness. As I read through the list, I am struck by the fact that each and every one has been mentioned in the most prominent personal development books of our time. Yes, this list works and I think everything is covered here.

1. Expressing gratitude – be thankful for your experiences, the people, places and things in your life and your situation.
2. Cultivating optimism – try to see the good things every day, focus on them.
3. Avoiding overthinking and social comparison – thinking and worrying about things too much does you no good unless you can actually make positive steps to change things. Forget comparing yourself to others.
4. Practising acts of kindness – give without thought of receiving anything in return.
5. Nurturing social relationships – keep those special bonds strong.
6. Developing strategies for coping – there are lots of choices out there to help you with difficult times. Find something that suits you.
7. Learning to forgive – when you harbour a grudge, anger or hatred, you are not only resisting your own development but you are hurting yourself in the process. The Dalai Lama said,”having anger or hatred for someone is like picking up hot coals with the view of throwing them at the object of your hatred but holding on to them instead.
8. Increasing flow experiences – allow energy to flow in your life, it’s truly living and experiencing life and all it’s dynamics.
9. Savouring life’s joys – appreciate the moments and experiences with laughter and enjoyment.

10.  Commiting to goals – set a plan and stick to it, be true to your goals and make definite steps to achieving them.

11.  Practising religion and spirituality – take care of your spiritual connection, make sure that part of you is nurtured.

12.  Taking care of your body: meditation, physical activity and acting like a happy person – These three things together can increase your happiness levels immensely when you commit to making them part of your every day life.

What an amazing list! Sonja has everything covered here, don’t you think? Applying these may be a bit of a struggle at first if your happiness setpoint is generally low but over time, if you commit to them consistently, your whole being will change, physically, emotionally and spiritually. That’s scientific fact.

Nathaniel Branden is a leading pioneer in the field of self-esteem. His name has become synonymous with the subject on which he places utmost importance. He is a lecturer, practising psychotherapist, the author of 20 books and has been a leader in the personal development field for over 30 years.

He is incredibly adamant that the lack of self-esteem is a huge part of almost all psychological problems. He says, “apart from disturbance whose roots are biological, I cannot think of a single psychological problem – from anxiety and depression…to alcohol or drug abuse…to suicide and crimes of violence – that is not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the judgements we pass in life, none is so important as the one we pass on ourselves.”

He lists six ‘pillars’ of self-esteem and each begins with, ‘the practice of’ because they are, to be practised in order for our self-esteem to be improved. Nathaniel says, “what determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does.”

1. The Practice of Living Consciously – focus on what is happening now.
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance – “we can run not only from our dark side but also from our bright side – from anything that threatens to make us stand out.” We must accept all parts of ourselves, including those parts that we are hiding that are immensely positive.
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility – know your responsibilities and accept them. Be able to respond to life’s challenges as an individual, not as a victim.
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness – To be assertive is not to be aggressive, nor is it passive, it is the path in between. Be true to yourself.
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully – Following on from being true to yourself, it is important to be true to your purpose and your goals. Being true to someone else’s goal will only perpetuate your negative self-esteem.
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity – this ties the pillars together, integration of your purpose, your values, beliefs and behaviour. Do they all match?

Finally, Nathaniel concludes the six pillars with the very important point of honouring the power of small improvements. If you are focusing, being aware, reflecting, you are making improvements – even if you are unaware of them. He says these pillars, “do not have to be lived, ‘perfectly’ 100% of the time in order to have a beneficent impact on our lives. Small improvements make a difference.”

I am eternally grateful to my mother for introducing me to some beautiful books and incredible thinkers. As a Man Thinketh was a gift from mum a few years ago at Christmas time. It is a beautiful read, an easy and quick one at that, yet packed with little nuggets of beauty and inspiration. James Allen (1864-1912) was a philosopher and writer who, at the age of 38 decided to retire from employment and began writing poetry and inspirational books. He lived a life of contemplation with his wife and daughter in Devon, England and produced 19 literary works in his time. As a Man Thinketh is a truly inspirational book that has served as a seed for so many dreams. One of the main reasons for this is because of the following quote:

“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time in a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of reality.” My good friend Marian read, me this quote just a few days ago and I remember thinking, how eloquently put, how true that the greatest achievements all began as an idea, a dream, a seed. Gandhi, Steve Jobs, Martin Luther King, Richard Branson, anyone who has achieved what they originally set out to do, did so with an idea. Maybe the only thing stopping you from achieving your dream is the conditioning that you don’t have the same thinking as these people. Your thoughts can change.

James urges us to “dream lofty dreams and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be. Your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.” And we can realise our greatest dreams by training our minds to focus on something that is so specific, so tapered that the actualisation of the dream has to follow. “As the physically weak man can make himself strong by careful and patient training, so the man of weak thoughts can make them strong by exercising himself in right thinking.” Like Eckhart Tolle says, “live on clock time, not psychological time.” The more we avoid that negative, fruitless chit chat and focus on the actualisation of what is, then the more peaceful, the more abundant our lives will be.

James says, “the soul attracts that which it secretly harbours, that which it loves and also that which it fears. It reaches the height of it’s cherished aspiration.” He was writing about the Law of Attraction before it was termed as such. When you strengthen your mind to focus on the positivity, unconditional love, gratitude, peace and that which is your most prominent dream, the universe responds. So like James says, make sure you focus on exercising right thinking. With practice, you will begin to make the changes you want and live a much more peaceful and fulfilled existence.

I had the great pleasure of meeting Dr. Demartini in Brisbane, earlier this year. I went to hear him speak for the first time and I wasn’t disappointed. I knew about him from The Secret and was very impressed by his story. He taught himself to read after leaving school and being told of his dyslexia. He also decided he wanted to be a healer and travel the world helping people and speaking to large audiences – he made this decision whilst living in a tent. Before John spoke at the Brisbane evening, the host described listening to him being like trying to get a drink from a fire hose! I thought this was a hilarious metaphor, and found out that it was definitely appropriate!

Meeting John was a tremendous moment. I was struck by his patience and willingness to meet and talk with the audience at the end. He is incredibly witty and has a great sense of humour, he had all the time in the world to answer everyone’s questions. We had a fantastic few moments talking about Scotland (my home) and how I would love to be a published author just like him. Such a down to earth guy, with an amazing energy.

John uses what he has termed the Demartini Method, which he uses in his ‘Breakthrough Experience.’ In this, he uses techniques to eliminate negative emotions like anger and guilt and he teaches how gratitude is such a tremendous healer. In The Secret he says, “our physiology creates disease to give us feedback to let us know we have an imbalanced perspective or we’re not being loving and grateful.”

Dr Demartini is a classic example of someone who decided not to be a victim of circumstance. He could have agreed with his school teachers who said he would never read effectively as a result of his dyslexia and he could have accepted those so called ‘authoritative’ ideas as truth. He took control and became a deliberate creator of his life. One of his greatest mentors, a 93 year-old gentleman named Dr Paul Bragg, asked John to say to himself every day without fail, “I am a genius and I apply my wisdom and everything else will take care of itself.” This is the truth he chose to believe, his life turned around and the rest, as they say, is history.

This book blows me away. I actually have it as an audio book and it was a firm companion on my bus journeys to and from the city every day. It is one of my favourite books of all time and is incredibly powerful in it’s message.  Think your life is awful? Viktor survived the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps and as a result gave us ‘Logotherapy’ which is based on the idea that we have ultimate responsibility in choosing how we respond to any situation. The book was first published in 1946 and Viktor was a psychiatrist and neurologist both before and after the Holocaust.

There is a fundamental message in this book that has been echoed by so many both before and after him. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” It’s true, life can strip you of everything but it cannot take away your inner responses and your dignity. Viktor lost his entire family in the Holocaust and developed his philosophy during such unthinkable brutality. If Viktor managed to choose his response and maintain his attitude to the situation then I am sure we can do the same. We can choose our response. So it is important that we make it a constructive one.

Viktor’s Logotherapy “considers man as a being whose main concern consists in fulfilling a meaning and in actualising values, rather than in the mere gratification and satisfaction of drives and instincts.” He says, “everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life…Therein, he cannot be replaced nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.” That’s beautiful. There is a purpose for all. If you are in confusion as to what it is, spend time in stillness to discover what it is. Ask and see what answers are there. As long as you have a few minutes in the day, you have the time and freedom for this simple yet important task. And what of the meaning of your life? Everyone’s life has meaning. Viktor says, “a man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionally waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the ‘why’ for his existence and will be able to bear almost any ‘how.’”

Viktor’s experience is as unique as any could possibly get and yet, with profound grace, compassion and wisdom, he urges us to be mindful of our purpose and to know that tranquillity is always possible as long as we choose how we respond.