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I was astonished when I first came across ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay. It was the first book I had read of its kind that talks about physical problems having emotional roots. This type of thinking is of course, not new but I hadn’t really clicked deeply with the connection until I read Louise’s book. More than 30 million copies of the book have been sold since it was first published in 1984 and since this time Louise has developed her own publishing company, ‘Hay House’ and is an internationally recognised teacher and speaker.

Why has this book made such an impact on me and the world? Well, Louise focuses on the fact that all disease can be traced to us not loving ourselves enough! She says, “good health begins with loving the self. So do prosperity and love and creative self expressions.” Makes sense doesn’t it? When you don’t love yourself, you fill your body with foods that are bad for you, alcohol to numb the pain and drugs to get you out of your head altogether. When you don’t have self-love you can’t show love to another so your relationships suffer, you feel unworthy of success subconsciously so your career and financial situation suffer. “When people come to me with a problem, I don’t care what it is – poor health, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships or stifled creativity, there is only one thing I ever work on and that is loving the self.”

When we love and appreciate ourselves exactly as we are, we emit a different vibration. We are also teaching others how to treat us. We are no longer saying subconsciously that it’s okay to treat me badly because that is how I view myself. Loving yourself is the most powerful thing you can do as a catalyst to healing along with forgiveness. Louise says, “I find that as we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works. It’s as if little miracles are everywhere.” Accept all parts of you, don’t judge and criticise, you will find that if you show love and acceptance towards yourself, negativity, hatred and anger dissolve. “We are all meant to be different, when we can accept this, then there is no competition and no comparison.” You are you, unique and whole, wonderful and special just as you are. Know this and love your originality. It’s time to Heal Your Life.

Day 40 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer. This was Wayne’s first book and it is packed full of wisdom for taking control of your life and not letting negative thinking dominate it. The main idea of Your Erroneous Zones is self-reliance, in other words, we don’t need approval from outside to know that what we feel inside is right. Wayne says, “using yourself as a guide and not needing the approval of an outside force is the most religious experience you can have.” Wayne has certainly learned this from life experience, growing up in an orphanage after his father left and his mother couldn’t afford to care for him and his siblings. Self-reliance was a matter of survival for him. If he had settled on the viewpoint of being a victim of his circumstance and sought his value from an outside source, his life would have been a completely different story.

Wayne says, “if you believe in yourself fully, no activity is beyond your potential. The entire gamut of human experience is yours to enjoy, once you decide to venture into territory where you don’t have guarantees.” If you set limitations and truly believe that you can’t go beyond them (consciously or unconsciously) then you won’t. Change and transformation happens when we venture outwith our comfort zone. The belief you have about what is happening and what lies ahead will shape that transformation. Wayne stresses the importance of having a fountain of strength that comes from inner security. He says, “this is the only lasting security, the only real security. Things can break down, a depression can wipe out your money, your house can be repossessed but you, you can be a rock of self-esteem.” Wise words from someone who knows because he has lived it.

Wayne urges us to take action and begin the process of what we wish to achieve by doing it now. No procrastination necessary here. He says, “the only thing holding you back is you and the neurotic choices you have made because you don’t believe you are as strong as you really are. How simple…just do it.” Advice that echoes many self-development authors, action cures all worries, doubts and negativity about your abilities. For the vast majority of the time that we worry about doing something causes far greater internal suffering than actually doing it. Trust in your guidance and inner resources, they are a source of never-ending strength.

Day 34 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The First 30 Days by Ariane De Bonvoison. The Buddha said, “the only constant in life is change” and that being said doesn’t always mean that we can handle it well. In her book, ‘The First 30 Days,’ Ariane addresses this with the view of making any change in your life a little easier. She has 9 principles for change. She says “people who successfully navigate change…”

1. Have positive beliefs.
2. Know that change always brings something positive into their lives.
3. Know they are resilient, strong and capable of getting through anything.
4. Know that every challenging emotion they feel is not going to stop them and will guide them to positive emotions that help them feel better.
5. Know that the quicker they accept the change, the less pain and hardship they feel.
6. Use empowering thoughts and words, think better thoughts and express their feelings.
7. Know that they are connected to something bigger than themselves.
8. Are not alone; they surround themselves with people who can help, who have the right beliefs and skills. They create an environment that supports change.
9. Take action. They have a plan and know how to take care of themselves.

This advice is priceless. I’ve never been a huge fan of change and have found it the most difficult thing to deal with in my life, especially change in relationships. This list is incredibly empowering and by focusing on these points, I can really see how change can be such a different experience. It’s all in the way that you view things. Ariane calls those who embrace the change, ‘change optimists’ because they see it as an opportunity to grow and know that something good is just around the corner.

I love the point that Ariane makes about fear – that we should accept it and not find it threatening in any way. “In our culture, we are much too focused on trying to get rid of the fear and too little focused on learning to live with the fear and incorporating it into our daily lives and actions. That’s one of the secrets of people who take big risks and make changes quickly. They have the same fear as anyone else but for them it’s not an unfamiliar, threatening emotion.” It’s important to accept the fear as part of life and as you do it, it becomes easier and easier to experience it, welcome it and know that it is part of the only constant in life – change.

Day 33 of 50 days in 50 days is The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford. Debbie is the best selling author of five books, has been a repeat guest on Oprah and has frequented many morning shows in the U.S. due to her extraordinary talent as a writer and life coach. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers encourages the readers to be true to themselves by integrating all our emotions and experiences. Self-acceptance is the main idea of this book and Debbie encourages us to look within and embrace all aspects of what we are. She says, “many of us are frightened to look within ourselves and fear has put up walls so thick we no longer remember who we are.”

Debbie then asks us to make a list of the parts of ourselves we don’t like, as she has done. She says, “as soon as I was able to see the positive and the negative value of each aspect of myself, I was able to drop my defensiveness and allow those parts to exist freely. It became clear that the process was not about getting rid of things we dislike in ourselves, but about finding the positive sides of these aspects and integrating it into our lives.” For me, anger always comes to mind, at times it has been unstoppable and I would always fail to see any positive side to it at all. However, I can now see that it makes me take a stand for injustice in the world and has also helped me create discipline in a classroom of teenagers. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but I can see a positive side to this emotion. I can accept this part of me.

Debbie continues and urges us to ask the question, “does this interpretation empower me or disempower me? Does this interpretation make me feel weak or strong? If you have an inner dialogue that disempowers you, it won’t change until you replace it with a positive powerful internal conversation.” This is an extremely important exercise to look objectively at how we think and labels we give to things. In this way you can decide if these thoughts serve you or hinder you in any way. You can then choose the thought that better serves you. This kind of analysis is present in cognitive psychology and has been utilised in healing processes for centuries. Once again, this type of process ensures you are living as a creator of your life and not as the result of your conditioning.

Day 30 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Loving What Is by Byron Katie. Byron has had a phenomenal influence on self-development because of her gentle spirituality, compassionate words and clear thinking. This is a wonderful book, it contains many worthwhile and effective exercises for challenging your mindset from one that is not serving you to one that is infinitely more peaceful. She has a clarity that is refreshing and heartwarming.

Byron wants us to know, “I can find only three kinds of business in the universe, mine, yours and God’s. Much stress comes from mentally living out of our business.” I love this. How much mental anguish do you give yourself because you are trying to control what cannot be controlled? Why do we think we can control an earthquake or somebody else’s behaviour? This is an empowering fact once you realise it and accept things for what they are. She says, “if you want reality to be different from what it is, you might as well teach a cat to bark.”

The problems in our thinking that cause suffering can be turned around once you see them for what they are. “As you inquire into issues…you come to see that every perceived problem ‘out there’ is really nothing more than a misperception within your own thinking.” Byron has a four step inquiry for changing these perceptions.

1.  Ask yourself, is it true?

2. If you are struggling with No. 1 or are unsure, ask yourself, “Can I absolutely know this is true?” You will be pushed to find a yes answer to this one. What can we know for certain, really, other than that nothing is certain?

3.  How do I react when I feel the thought? Do I feel angry, afraid, upset?

4.  Who would I be without the thought? Breathe a sigh of relief – do you think you’d be able to see more of the positive things in this situation?

Then, we turn the thought around, which means, take that thought and make it positive. For example, go from, ‘this job is the worst I have ever done’ to ‘this job is fulfilling and pleasant’ and go through the process again. As a result, you can see things as they are, free from opinions. This is a very powerful process and one that echoes the thought processes of many philosophers and spiritual leaders in search of truth.

Byron Katie says, “nothing ever goes wrong in life…everything happens for me and not to me…until you can see everything in the world as your friend, your work is not done.” Seeing things as challenge and opportunity makes an incredible difference and when you are in this frame of mind, you are the creator of your life and your experiences.

Day 19 of  50 ideas in 50 days is Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff. This is perhaps one of the best titles ever of any self-help book and there is lots of wisdom in it’s pages. Happy For No Reason is not about the highs and lows of happiness, it’s being haapy, content and at peace with yourself. Marci says, “it isn’t elation, euphoria, mood spikes or peak experiences that don’t last….when you are happy for no reason, you can have any emotion but you still experience that underlying state of peace and well-being.

Philosophers Notes gives a very thought provoking quote from The Upanishads, “Happiness for any reason is just another form of misery.” Circumstances fluctuate so rapidly and because of the impermanence of all things, the reason you are happy will not stay the same, it will change like everything else. We can be happy for bad reasons like drugs and alcohol, good reasons like relationships and career. However, happy for no reason is living from happiness rather than for happiness.

Marci quotes Thomas Jefferson who said that the common use of the word ‘pursue’ was not to ‘chase after’ something but to practice an activity and make a habit of it. This integrates it into your everyday life so it becomes natural, it is not something  just out of reach to be chased. Marci says, “people with high happiness ’set points’ are human just like the rest of us. They don’t have any special powers…they just have different habits. Psychologists say that at least 90% of all behaviour is habitual. So to become happier, you need to look at your habits.”

Marci talks about the power of neuroplasticity, a subject that I am extremely interested in, and the fact that we are re-wiring our brains moment to moment, positively or negatively. She says,  ”we need to incline our mind to joy” and quotes a beautiful piece of Cherokee wisdom: One evening, a Cherokee elder told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside of people. He said, “my son, the battle is between two wolves that live inside us all. One is unhappiness, fear, worry, anger and the other is happiness, joy, love, kindness and truth.” The grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one you feed.”

A beautiful story and a perfect illustration of how what we focus on or ‘feed’ increases. There is plenty of room inside your amazing brain to increase your happiness habits – every day.

Day 15 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar. I hadn’t come across this book before but the title speaks volumes to me. For so long I pursued a life of perfection, eventually realising of course it was unreachable because it doesn’t exist. Ben-Shahar offers the alternative he calls, optimalism which is much more empowered than the sense of lack given by pursuing perfection.

To quote from the book, Ben-Shahar says, “a perfectionist holds herself to impossible standards that result in pain and suffering to include, low self-esteem, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, OCD, chronic fatigue, panic disorder, social phobia and serious difficulties in relationships.”  Wow! It’s important to realise that mistakes and failures happen, that’s life and the way we view these will affect our quality of life.  If we view the glass as half full then we can find something good in any situation. It’s also important, as Tal says, “to fail frequently, because it means you try frequently, put yourself on the line and challenge yourself…from this we learn and grow.” We always have a choice and if we view failure and mistakes as opportunity and something we can learn from, it allows us to be the creators of our lives and not victims.

I’m a huge fan of Cognitive Therapy and the idea of viewing things as they truly are rather than through the filter of personal interpretation. Tal says, “the goal of cognitive therapy is to restore a sense of realism by getting rid of distorted thinking. When we identify an irrational thought, we change the way we think about the event and thereby change the way we feel… the distorted thought elicits an intense and unhealthy fear of failure, the rational thought reframes the situation and puts it into perspective.” This is viewing things as they really are, not as they appear to us.

I’d like to conclude with a rather wonderful new take on The Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do to you) that Ben-Shahar calls, ‘The Platinum Rule. ‘ We often show kindness to others but fail to do the same toward ourselves. He says, “why the double standard?”  The new rule is, “do not to yourself what you would not do unto others.” Show the same level of compassion and encouragement to yourself as you would to your best friend and from this point you can begin to experience optimalism.

Day9 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Spiritual Liberation by Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith. I first came across Rev. Michael in The Secret and was moved by his profound energy and poignant message. He founded the Agape Spiritual Centre in Los Angeles which is a transdenominational church with a strong focus on spirituality. He is a very gifted writer and speaker and he brings together many dynamic messages in Spiritual Liberation. I would like to focus on 2 ideas in particular that have caught my attention.

In Spiritual Liberation Michael talks about ‘Freedom from the Tyranny of Trends’ as an essential part of liberation and happiness. It’s amazing how many of us fall victim to trends and fashion particularly in the earlier stages of life when we are greatly influenced by what others think. He says, “the tyranny of trends allows for the lowest common denominator to set the standard of success and coolness…blasted out as us from TV, radio, newspapers, computers, trends very often convince individuals what their life’s purpose should be.” This is such an important statement and one that I haven’t heard too often. Why be dictated to by a marketing drive for something that will change next week, next month or next year? It’s completely appropriate to describe it as the lowest common denominator as it allows others to think for you. He goes on to say, ” begin to consciously break your agreement with the mediocrity present in the tyranny of trends… break free from the hold of what society tells us we should be like.” I am in agreement with the point made by Brian in Philosophers Notes when he says, “read, meditate, journal, discover your highest self.. the highest common denominator.”

The other point I would like to focus on from Spiritual Liberation reminds me of ‘Morpheus’ from The Matrix and his classic line, “there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.” Michael describes not ‘walking the path’ as spiritual indigestion and constipation! He says, “to read and study and have conversations about spiritual practices is good but unless you incorporate them into your life, you won’t embody or integrate them…all you will develop is a case of spiritual indigestion and constipation.” What a fabulous image and one that is incredibly real! Do you find yourself reading through book after book on self-development without seeing any change in your life? Or do you frequent seminars and conferences with gusto, feeling euphoric about your life and future only to find yourself back to square one after the weekend is over? Implementation is key. Your life will remain the same with the usual issues coming back to hit you in the face unless you put theories into your life and practise them. Walk the path. It’s never too late to take action and now is always the best time.

Day 8 in 50 ideas in 50 days is the wonderful Wayne Dyer with Real Magic. Wayne Dyer is one of my all time favourite writers and I particularly love hearing him speak. I own many of his audio books and seminars on mp3 because of his gentle, peaceful voice and he tells many amazingly powerful stories. In this inspirational work, he lists 7 steps for manifesting what he calls, Real Magic.

1. There is an invisible but knowable life force within you. You can feel it when you are truly connecting with someone or when you are in perfect flow with life, sometimes before something happens.

2. Your thoughts are something you control and they originate within you. The realisation of this is very powerful if you really think about it and it’s worth re-reading this many times. You have the power to change your thoughts and your life.

3. There are no limits. This is all about how we have been conditioned to think. Consider how people thought about the Earth hundreds of years ago, that it revolved around the sun and was flat. New discoveries are made every day, that is science and who knows what may be fact tomorrow.

4. Your life has a purpose. Wayne says, “everything has a purpose, indeed the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you.”

5. You overcome weaknesses by leaving them behind. You are in control, your weaknesses are not in control of you, they are not you.

6. When you examine what you believe to be impossible, you can then change your beliefs. Your beliefs are not set in stone, they do not have to be ‘facts’ about your life. Allow your mindset to change to a truer alignment with your dreams.

7. You can go beyond logic. Reminds us that nothing is impossible and miracles can be achieved. ;D

Wayne’s ideas have a timeless spirituality that is perfect for our time. His words about appreciation of the happiness of others have resonance with many spiritual ideas concerning gratitude and joy. We should not harbour negativity toward the prosperity of others in the form of envy, contempt and jealousy. He says, “rejoice in the prosperity of others…negative inner mindset keeps you from being on purpose. You cannot be fulfilled and envious at the same time.” This is a beautiful quote to end on. It comes from a place of love, keeping your mind and heart open. Always a wonderful thing.

2010

It’s that time of year again when we all make our New Year Resolutions to stop smoking, get fit and change our lives for the better. Traditionally, we may write them down in a diary or talk to others to tell them of our plans and this can be a terrific start. However, if we are using the traditional language of New Year Resolutions we may find ourselves saying exactly the same thing one year from now because in fact, we weren’t able to keep them. When we say, ‘I’m going to lose some weight,’ this always makes the resolution slightly out of reach and by using the future tense in our plans, our New Year Resolutions always stay one step in the future. If we want to make real changes in our lives, we need to think and act ‘as if ‘ we already ‘are.’

Affirmations and visualisations always work best when said and imagined in the present tense, when we ‘fool’ our unconscious mind into thinking we are already in the desired state. I used to think that this technique of acting ‘as if’ was hugely ridiculous but that was a time when my critical thinking had gone highly into overdrive! Fortunately, after trying it for some time on a daily basis, (often through gritted teeth as I wasn’t used to so much positivity!) I discovered that real changes had been made in my mindset without me really being aware of it.

The unconscious mind cannot tell the difference between imagined reality and reality itself so it is entirely possible to focus on your New Year resolutions and make deliberate change in your life. The following 3 steps that I recommend, can of course be used at any time of the year and can encourage your body to take action and make those desired changes a reality.

1. A very important first step is self-acceptance for who you are and the place you are in right now in your life. This initially might seem like a contradiction but self-acceptance and self love are all about feeling balance where you are at this moment. It is important to know that the decisions you have made until now were the best that you could do given the situation and what was available to you. Be truly thankful for all the people, things and experiences you are having on a daily basis. Show gratitude for the world around you as you experience it.

2. Be crystal clear what you wish to change/achieve. If it helps to write it down, or use a photograph/drawing, do it. It also helps not using negative speech of any kind. i.e. focus on what you do want , not what you don’t want. (e.g. Not, ‘ I want to lose weight.’ Instead, something like ‘I am energetic, healthy and these jeans fit me perfectly.’) It’s very important to be clear like this with your unconscious mind, if you are vague and unsure, you will get vague and unsure.

3. ‘Act and think as if…’  As you think about or write down your New Year Resolutions, truly envisage the situation/experience as happening now. Use as many senses as you can when you visualise and use positive affirmation as you visualise. It may be visualising looking in a mirror at yourself wearing your favourite item of clothing, hearing others comment on how healthy you look and feeling your body strong, fit and filled with energy.

Follow these 3 steps for a few minutes a day from now, to really turbo charge your New Year Resolutions and you will be acting as if until you truly are! Happy New Year everyone, thanks for reading my blog and here’s to a wonderful 2010!