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I haven’t read this book in its entirety, I have gained only insights from excerpts of it but already, I love it! It is a piece of writing that immediately brings joy because of its beautiful title and that is a wonderful thing. Leo urges us to realise that we crazily don’t spend enough time studying what is the most important emotion in all of our lives and what it means to be a loving person. He says, “I would not want to form a partnership with an architect who has only a little knowledge of building or a broker who has limited stock market knowledge. Still we form what we hope to be permanent relationships in love, with people who have hardly any knowledge of what love is.” I laughed when I first read this quote but then realised how close to the truth it actually is.

 To me, one of the most thought provoking quotes in this book is, “to love others you must love yourself…you can only give to others what you give to yourself.” This is powerful and so true. In addition he says, “to the depth and extent to which you can love yourself, only to that depth and extent will you be able to give love to others.” I could easily finish this blog post here. Knowing this fact can tell you so much about all the relationships in your life.

So how do we live in love and show more love to ourselves? Leo urges us to be ourselves, not to be afraid to feel and show emotion and be who you are. He says, “the hardest thing to be is what other people want you to be.” Be who you are even if others cannot accept you, it is their issue, not yours and in truth, they have more of a problem accepting themselves and reflect this onto others. Leo also encourages us to accept change as it is inevitable. He says, “ a great deterrent to love is found in anyone who fears change, for growing, learning and experiencing is change… to deny change is to deny the only single reality. Attitudes change, feelings change, desires change, especially love changes. There is no stopping it, no holding it back, there is only going with it.”

Leo also stresses the importance of allowing the other person not only to be, but to become. He says, “as soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems the most secure I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.” And at the same time, don’t ever underestimate the power of a kind word or a gesture in all your relationships. The simple acts of kindness have the power to change lives and are the perfect expression of love on a daily basis.

I love it when personal development ideas are backed up with good old scientific research. There are many books in the tried and tested category, some definitely more scientific than others. Sonja’s book is the result of many years of research into how we can increase our levels of happiness and she is a prominent figure in the positive psychology movement. I’d like to begin by focusing on what she calls the ‘40% solution’ which is how we should focus on the 40% of the happiness capabilities that we are able to control. Why 40%? Well, Sonja says that 50% of our happiness is determined by our genes and we have what is called a ‘happiness setpoint’ that we gravitate towards. (Marci Schimoff also mentions this in her wonderful book, ‘Happy for No Reason.’) Another 10% of our happiness is governed by our life circumstances. Now knowing that this is only 10%, it is quite thought provoking to know that it governs things like wealth accumulation, perception of attractiveness, material possessions and so on. These things are impermanent and give only short term satisfaction. The 40% solution is in our day to day behaviour, is how we think and is completely within our control. This is an extremely powerful fact and as Sonja says, to harness it we must make an effort to change the way we think. She says, “becoming lastingly happier demands making some permanent changes that require effort and commitment every day of your life. Pursuing happiness takes work but consider this ‘happiness work’ may be the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.”

The second part of the book lists 12 happiness activities that have been proven scientifically to increase our levels of happiness. As I read through the list, I am struck by the fact that each and every one has been mentioned in the most prominent personal development books of our time. Yes, this list works and I think everything is covered here.

1. Expressing gratitude – be thankful for your experiences, the people, places and things in your life and your situation.
2. Cultivating optimism – try to see the good things every day, focus on them.
3. Avoiding overthinking and social comparison – thinking and worrying about things too much does you no good unless you can actually make positive steps to change things. Forget comparing yourself to others.
4. Practising acts of kindness – give without thought of receiving anything in return.
5. Nurturing social relationships – keep those special bonds strong.
6. Developing strategies for coping – there are lots of choices out there to help you with difficult times. Find something that suits you.
7. Learning to forgive – when you harbour a grudge, anger or hatred, you are not only resisting your own development but you are hurting yourself in the process. The Dalai Lama said,”having anger or hatred for someone is like picking up hot coals with the view of throwing them at the object of your hatred but holding on to them instead.
8. Increasing flow experiences – allow energy to flow in your life, it’s truly living and experiencing life and all it’s dynamics.
9. Savouring life’s joys – appreciate the moments and experiences with laughter and enjoyment.

10.  Commiting to goals – set a plan and stick to it, be true to your goals and make definite steps to achieving them.

11.  Practising religion and spirituality – take care of your spiritual connection, make sure that part of you is nurtured.

12.  Taking care of your body: meditation, physical activity and acting like a happy person – These three things together can increase your happiness levels immensely when you commit to making them part of your every day life.

What an amazing list! Sonja has everything covered here, don’t you think? Applying these may be a bit of a struggle at first if your happiness setpoint is generally low but over time, if you commit to them consistently, your whole being will change, physically, emotionally and spiritually. That’s scientific fact.

Nathaniel Branden is a leading pioneer in the field of self-esteem. His name has become synonymous with the subject on which he places utmost importance. He is a lecturer, practising psychotherapist, the author of 20 books and has been a leader in the personal development field for over 30 years.

He is incredibly adamant that the lack of self-esteem is a huge part of almost all psychological problems. He says, “apart from disturbance whose roots are biological, I cannot think of a single psychological problem – from anxiety and depression…to alcohol or drug abuse…to suicide and crimes of violence – that is not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the judgements we pass in life, none is so important as the one we pass on ourselves.”

He lists six ‘pillars’ of self-esteem and each begins with, ‘the practice of’ because they are, to be practised in order for our self-esteem to be improved. Nathaniel says, “what determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does.”

1. The Practice of Living Consciously – focus on what is happening now.
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance – “we can run not only from our dark side but also from our bright side – from anything that threatens to make us stand out.” We must accept all parts of ourselves, including those parts that we are hiding that are immensely positive.
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility – know your responsibilities and accept them. Be able to respond to life’s challenges as an individual, not as a victim.
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness – To be assertive is not to be aggressive, nor is it passive, it is the path in between. Be true to yourself.
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully – Following on from being true to yourself, it is important to be true to your purpose and your goals. Being true to someone else’s goal will only perpetuate your negative self-esteem.
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity – this ties the pillars together, integration of your purpose, your values, beliefs and behaviour. Do they all match?

Finally, Nathaniel concludes the six pillars with the very important point of honouring the power of small improvements. If you are focusing, being aware, reflecting, you are making improvements – even if you are unaware of them. He says these pillars, “do not have to be lived, ‘perfectly’ 100% of the time in order to have a beneficent impact on our lives. Small improvements make a difference.”

I am eternally grateful to my mother for introducing me to some beautiful books and incredible thinkers. As a Man Thinketh was a gift from mum a few years ago at Christmas time. It is a beautiful read, an easy and quick one at that, yet packed with little nuggets of beauty and inspiration. James Allen (1864-1912) was a philosopher and writer who, at the age of 38 decided to retire from employment and began writing poetry and inspirational books. He lived a life of contemplation with his wife and daughter in Devon, England and produced 19 literary works in his time. As a Man Thinketh is a truly inspirational book that has served as a seed for so many dreams. One of the main reasons for this is because of the following quote:

“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time in a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of reality.” My good friend Marian read, me this quote just a few days ago and I remember thinking, how eloquently put, how true that the greatest achievements all began as an idea, a dream, a seed. Gandhi, Steve Jobs, Martin Luther King, Richard Branson, anyone who has achieved what they originally set out to do, did so with an idea. Maybe the only thing stopping you from achieving your dream is the conditioning that you don’t have the same thinking as these people. Your thoughts can change.

James urges us to “dream lofty dreams and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be. Your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.” And we can realise our greatest dreams by training our minds to focus on something that is so specific, so tapered that the actualisation of the dream has to follow. “As the physically weak man can make himself strong by careful and patient training, so the man of weak thoughts can make them strong by exercising himself in right thinking.” Like Eckhart Tolle says, “live on clock time, not psychological time.” The more we avoid that negative, fruitless chit chat and focus on the actualisation of what is, then the more peaceful, the more abundant our lives will be.

James says, “the soul attracts that which it secretly harbours, that which it loves and also that which it fears. It reaches the height of it’s cherished aspiration.” He was writing about the Law of Attraction before it was termed as such. When you strengthen your mind to focus on the positivity, unconditional love, gratitude, peace and that which is your most prominent dream, the universe responds. So like James says, make sure you focus on exercising right thinking. With practice, you will begin to make the changes you want and live a much more peaceful and fulfilled existence.

This wonderful book by Dr. John Demartini, originally published in 1997 is a beautiful read that leaves me glowing every time I pick it up. It’s one of these books that you can dip into from time to time for some inspiration and wisdom. The wisdom that John decides to focus on in this book is in ‘The Healing Power of Love and Gratitude.’ Apply the techniques to your life and it’s possible to see and feel all those negative emotions and baggage you have accumulated over the years simply melt away. Make no mistake, genuine gratitude and love have been spoken about as the greatest healers since the dawn of time and they create tremendous shifts. Focusing on love and gratitude, it is entirely possible to create the most peaceful and fulfilling life possible.

Since I am focused in this blog on truths and critical thinking, I would like to share some of John’s truths from particular chapters in the book. If you love these, it’s worth checking the book out.

On interactions with others:

Your words reflect the way you see yourself and your world.

When you give advice to others, it applies to your own life somewhere and somehow.

Your complaints are about the aspect of your life that you have yet to appreciate and love.

On belief:

You become your dominant thoughts.

You alter your life by altering your thinking.

Each thought is an opportunity to forge the first link in a new chain of habit.

On karma:

It’s impossible to break the Golden Rule of cause and effect, no matter what, you reap what you sow.

Blessings have nothing to do with so called luck. They result from your thoughts, words and actions.

Your health and well-being tomorrow is the result of what you do, think and believe today.

On gratitude and healing:

 Gratitude and unconditional love activate a more profound and complete healing.

 Certainty and presence intensify unconditional love’s healing energy.

 There is no healing force greater than unconditional love.

 Beautiful words of wisdom from an amazingly warm and highly intelligent gentleman. I feel so lucky to have met him. As he says himself, however, blessings have nothing to do with so called luck, and I feel truly grateful.

As 50 ideas in 50 days draws to a close, I am struck by the similarities in wisdom that reside over both time and culture. It doesn’t matter whether you are concerned with business, relationships, spirituality or mindset, there are some strong similarities across the board.

Peace is not about the extremes in life. If we rely on something else outside of ourselves to bring us euphoria then we must realise the temporary nature of those highs and peaks are always accompanied by their opposites just like the ebb and flow of the tide. We must be at peace with ourselves inwardly and then we can have any emotion accompanied by an underlying stillness.

How do we create peace and calmness inside? Well, from the 50 days a few things come to mind, particularly from Wayne Dyer, Sonia Choquette and Esther and Jerry Hicks. Firstly, if we feel too overwhelmed with a situation and have too many thoughts fighting with each other, it’s important to stop that train of thought, spend some time completely surrounded by nature or in meditation. Anything that stops the conscious mind chatter should then bring much clearer answers to you. Secondly, find something to be grateful of every day, there is always something good to be found and very often the beauty of the simplest things is the most profound. Finally, change those negative thoughts around as quickly and as often as possible. If you’re like me, you may find it difficult at first, if you have been more used to the glass being half empty but really, practice eventually makes the glass well and truly half-full.

Day 47 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Silva Mind Control Method of Mental Dynamics by Jose Silva and Burt Goldman. Before 50 ideas, I had heard of Jose and Laura Silva’s work before but was more familiar with Burt Goldman since he is a fellow hypnotherapist. There are some excellent, practical tips in this book you can utilise in your everyday life, techniques that I have used myself and with clients, to great effect.

First things first, let’s think about our different levels of brain waves. (This was covered also in my post about Bill Harris and Holosync) The different states are as follows:

Delta – 0.5-4 cycles per second (deep unconscious sleep)

Theta – 5-7 cycles per second (deep comfortable sleep)

Alpha – 8-13 cycles per second (REM sleep and meditation)

Beta –  example: approx. 19 cps (conscious aware state, creativity)     

                               approx. 21 cps (stress and anxiety)                       

So if we want to slow our brain from a stressed to a relaxed state (beta to alpha) there is a wonderfully simple little hypnotic technique that is so effective. I have taught this technique to over 90% of clients. The trick is to do it often, initially every day until you get to the point where your mind is so conditioned that you can bring about this change with a single breath or visualisation. Inhale and in your mind say, 3,3,3, do another 2 deep breaths for 2 and 1. If you are particularly stressed, begin from 10. Practise this often and before long you can bring on the relaxation with one inhale and exhale.     

The book says, “fear is imaginary just as faith is imaginary – and both being imaginary, they are subject to your mental control.” Fear is just negative expectation, think about it, you are imagining what could go wrong. Silva and Goldman say to get rid of the fear, we must turn our expectations round from negative to positive. What good is there in imagining the worst outcome? Focus on the positive things that could happen. (Then the Law of Attraction works in attracting the positive outcome too but that’s a different blog post.) How about changing your thoughts from, “I’m going to fail this driving test because I’ll forget to do x, y and z” to “I’m going to pass this test with confidence and ease, I’m a careful and relaxed driver.”

Finally Silva and Goldman give 5 superb little rules of happiness, they say “stress is not caused by problems, it is your attitude toward the problem that causes stress…the question is not, how can I rid myself of stress but how can I change my attitude toward work, events, disappointments, fears and people?

1. If you like something, enjoy it.
2. If you don’t like something, avoid it.
3. If you don’t like something and can’t avoid it, change it.
4. If you can’t or choose not to avoid or change something you don’t like, then accept it.
5. You accept something by changing your perception of it.

Simple steps and essentially, changing your perception is not as difficult as you may think. Find something, anything good in the situation and focus on that instead.

Day 46 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Man Who Tapped the Secrets of the Universe by Glenn Clark. In this beautiful little book, Glenn Clark writes about the wonderfully talented genius that is Walter Russell. Walter lived from 1871 to 1963 and firmly believed that genius was in everyone. Unfortunately, it is never discovered by many due to the way that we think. Walter says, “some appear to have it more than others only because they are aware of it more than others are and the awareness or unawareness of it is what makes each one of them into masters or hold them down to mediocrity.” This genius, Walter believes is manifested in 3 different ways. Firstly, by the amount of work they produce, secondly they never know tiredness/exhaustion and thirdly, they improve vastly as they grow older. He says, “great men’s lives begin at forty, when the mediocre man’s life ends.” Wow! This quote is most definitely a rapturous one for me as I approach my 40^th birthday and yes, I can believe that for some people it seems like the beginning of the end. However, around this time it can also feel like a whole new chapter of contentment, excitement, confidence and wisdom.

In order to connect with our genius, Walter suggests something that is echoed by so many personal development thinkers, past and present and that is, to appreciate the stillness. He says, “if you are alone long enough to get thoroughly acquainted with yourself, you will hear whispering from the universal source of all unconsciousness which will improve you…lock yourself up in your room or go out into the woods where you can be alone.” I can’t agree with this strongly enough. Too much conscious mind chit-chat limits our potential and keeps us from what we are truly capable of. Connecting with that stillness not only recharges your batteries but helps you gain flashes of insight that normal everyday life might be unable to give you.

And what of our daily life? Tasks should be completed with love and happiness, even the most mundane. There are things that we would perhaps rather not do but doing them with hatred or disagreement of any kind won’t get it done any more quickly or easily, nor is it worth the negativity it creates in your body. Walter says, “there should be no distasteful tasks in one’s life. If you just hate to do a thing, that hatred for it develops body-destructive toxins and you become fatigued very soon.” Ever noticed the difference in how worn out you feel when you have a negative attitude toward something? Housework is one of the best forms of exercise so how about hoovering with a little happiness and see how differently you feel!

Day 45 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Book of Understanding by Osho. It’s time to put my bias aside and actually take the time to read some of Osho’s work. I must say, I always consider myself to be open minded when it comes to reading, to the point that I will read and give my opinion but I never wanted to read any of Osho’s work because I always considered him to be too materialistic. (I have never understood why someone would need so many Rolls-Royces.) However, bias aside, today, I am willing to finally look at his work.

Osho believes it is entirely possible to have a union between the material and the spiritual, he says, “it is the synthesis of matter and soul, it is a declaration that there is no conflict between matter and consciousness, that we can be rich on both sides.” Our lives should be a dynamic existence, truly living is accepting the lows and embracing the highs, taking risks, fully aware that you are living and not wrapping yourself up in cotton wool, so as to avoid sadness or failure. He says, “for centuries, that has been the way of the monk, ready to sacrifice all possibilities of ecstasy just to avoid the agony. He is ready to avoid all the roses just to avoid the thorns. But then his life is just flat… a long, long boredom…he does not really live, he is afraid to live.” Correct me if I’m wrong here but, for many monks and nuns, particularly westerners, they decide to become ordained and have a life of servitude and meditation because they have lived a dynamic life and they are aware of it’s fickleness, illusion and impermanence.

There are, however, a couple of points that Osho makes that I wholeheartedly agree with and they are as follows:

1. Observe your behaviour and your negative thoughts. “Watch as they arise, without any judgement and condemnation, they will disappear, leaving a tremendous amount of energy that you can use for creativity.” This is very well said, shades of the Buddha here. So much energy is spent on judging our thoughts and actions. Allow those thoughts to pass without judging good or bad. They just are.

1. “I am not against rules, but the rules should arise out of your understanding. They should not be imposed from the outside. I am not against discipline, but discipline should not be slavery. All true discipline is self-discipline.” True. Think for yourself, don’t accept on blind faith, analyse and decide. Let your inner resources be your guidance.

Okay, so I would agree here that one blog post probably does not do Osho’s work real justice but this short time has introduced me to his work and has made me a little less judgemental and that is always a good thing.

Day 44 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. I’ve been really looking forward to the ideas in Maxwell’s book as I had never come across it before. The ideas inside greatly intrigued me. I am always keen to delve into ideas about the unconscious mind and how we can use it to create a better existence for ourselves. Originally published in 1967, Maxwell (a plastic surgeon) wrote the book because he was interested in how surgery changed the emotional lives of some and not others. Some gained a greater confidence and others kept the same low self esteem they suffered prior to the operation.

‘Cybernetics’ comes from a Greek word which literally means, ‘the steersman.’ ”Servo-mechanisms are so constructed that they automatically ‘steer’ their way to a goal, target or answer. When we conceive of the human brain and nervous system as a form of servo-mechanism, operating with Cybernetic principles, we gain a new insight into the why and wherefore of human behaviour.” What does this actually mean? When a missile is fired, it uses it’s mechanical senses to stay on target, (think positive feedback) when it’s not on target, (negative feedback) it adjusts it’s course so it’s back on track.

Maxwell says, ”a human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment.” Do you receive that negative feedback and believe it? What about your years of conditioning? We all have limiting beliefs to some degree or another. The greater these are, the more limited your achievements. Maxwell was certainly a pioneer of his time, he was aware of the power of the unconscious mind and it’s ability to change radically due to it’s plasticity. He says, “your nervous system cannot tell the difference between an imagined experience and a real experience” so he suggests using your imagination, “if you have been shy and timid, see yourself moving among people wit ease and poise – and actually feeling good because of it.” Exercises like this are essential for success in any area of life, Maxwell suggests 30 minutes and I think, initially this is a great suggestion because you are building new ‘memories’, a new image of yourself and this requires a little time.

Limiting beliefs are ultimately responsible for being unable to reach our goals. (Not including external factors that may stall or stop us.) We can will something to happen and use all the conscious effort we can in planning each step but if our unconscious mind is working largely on conditioned limiting beliefs like, “I’m not good enough,” then we are unlikely to get the results we want. This is why an exercise like Maxwell describes above is so important and equally effective, if we truly want to make a difference and have results.