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Do you ever get the feeling that you are living someone else’s life? Do you ever stop to think that the things you may be doing or thinking are actually someone else’s ideas of how you should be living your life? The feeling may come like a thunderbolt or you might wake up one morning wondering how on earth you got there.

Much of the time when we are growing up, we automatically follow the instructions of the people around us, parents, family, teachers etc. and most of those instructions are on health and safety, keeping order and helping with the smooth running of things. However, as adults, we often end up down a path we don’t want to be because of following others advice. This may be the result of parent’s unfulfilled dreams or a belief about how they think life actually is. As a result, for many of us, life is fuelled by a striking force to survive, which creates a ‘lack’ and ‘struggle’ mentality. And so it goes from generation from generation until someone down the line stops and says, “What happened?”

Even though the view has been outdated scientifically, for a long, long time, many people still view themselves as a separate entity in a dog eat dog world and in order to survive, they must accumulate as many ‘things’ as possible, such as the ego drives. But we end up in this position because society dictates that this is the way to be and we end up being in situations we don’t want to be in, working for things we don’t need. Yet all through your life, you may have little niggles that something is not right for you, niggles that urge you to be still, find some peace and take strength from that part of you that knows exactly the correct path you should be following.

Those niggles should never be ignored because, in fact, you know and you have known all along the path you should be following. You know because inside it makes you feel joyful and blissful. Those niggles are trying to remind you of that. The more you listen and begin to live your life, not someone else’s, the more you begin to feel that you are being gently carried along downstream instead of feeling like you are paddling against river rapids.

Be true to yourself.

I was talking to a good friend of mine on Skype last weekend and we got round to the subject of ‘life’ getting in the way of what’s important and how we seem to attract the same learning curves over and over that can make us feel like things are spiralling out of control. Some people seem to stay centred and calm during these learning curves and others feel chaos, despair and a whole host of negative emotions. We both agreed that the two things go together, if you don’t spend time each day centring and connecting with what is important to you then you feel that chaos and disconnectedness more and more frequently. When I was younger, I spent too much time in this chaotic feeling, juggling many things at once and worried if things weren’t perfect. I would drive myself crazy trying to control situations (and often people too!) It’s no wonder that I attracted more chaos and when I think back to how ridiculous this was, I’m thankful that I have come a long way.

However, every now and then old habits can resurface if you allow negative thought patterns to dominate. This is why it is so important to have some time every day to centre yourself. For my good friend, it’s doing yoga for an hour or so every morning. Not only does this wake up every part of the body, it has an incredible affect on the mind too. Because of this, she approaches everyday challenges with a calm centre, which then helps her connect with that inner knowingness (that we all have) during the ebb and flow of living. Now this idea of yoga every morning might do nothing for you and that’s because you will have your own things that make you feel more centred. This will come in the form of that which is most important to you (truly). This could be your family, animals or nature. It could be listening to or playing music, spending time on what you feel most passionate about. Make a point of spending 30 minutes – 1 hour less every day on the more trivial things (yes, this probably means work) so that you can focus on what matters most to you.

Staying centred and having that sense of peace or inner satisfaction every day gives you a very different perspective on everything. Life no longer ‘gets in the way’ of the important things, it’s just life and you begin to see the precious nature of it more and more.

“The Great Way is easy yet people prefer the side paths. Be aware when you are out of balance, stay centred within the Tao.” (Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu)

The Buddha said that suffering was caused by our inability to accept the impermanent nature of all things and it really makes you think about times when it is most prevalent. I think about what I was like in the past with some relationship break ups, especially if I had created some kind of imaginary future in my head. This inability to accept incompatibility or just the fact that we had grown apart as individuals, was emotionally difficult at the time yet in hindsight, I roll my eyes and see it for what it really was. Of course, hindsight is a wonderful thing and when you look at the past objectively, you can take yourself right out of the ego and observe it as if you were a third person.

Eckhart Tolle talks about this both in A New Earth and in The Power of Now, describing ego as the identification with form, our selfishness and seeing ourselves as apart from the whole. This forgetfulness, Tolle describes as “original sin, suffering and delusion.” Also he says, “when the delusion of utter separateness underlies and governs what I think, say and do, what kind of world do I create?” What we create are all the problems that we see on the news every day or read about in the gossip magazines. Just like the Buddha said in The Dhammapada, along with Einstein (who called it an optical illusion of consciousness) and many other switched on men and women, the problem comes with ‘me, me, me’ and ‘my, my, my.’

If we begin to take a more objective view almost like a third person, we can then begin to observe how we react to things. These reactions come from years of emotional response to things and the mental filters we create in our mind which gives our own version of reality, a feeling of separateness. Tolle calls this the ‘pain body’ and describes like this, “the human tendency to perpetuate all emotion that almost everyone carries in his or her energy field of all emotional pain” and “any negative emotion that is not fully faced and seen for what it is in the moment, it arises and does not completely dissolve, leaving behind a remnant.”

The key, as the Buddha said and as Tolle puts so simply is to accept it for what it is and learn from it, see it as it really is. The real cause of the unhappiness is the ego’s reaction to the situation, not the situation itself. “Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking, separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which is always is as it is.”

Most probably, the book that made me think the most in my childhood and teenage years and also continues to keep me very grounded is The Dhammapada. Originally written and printed in the Pali language, the literal translation is Dhamma-law/teachings and Pada-way/path. This gem is the Buddha’s teachings in a nutshell and forms the basis of all Buddhism, no matter what type it is.

For many years, I taught Buddhism to school students of all ages and these basic teachings often sparked a whole host of philosophical ideas. The very core of these teachings lie in The Four Noble Truths, the first of which, ‘There is Suffering’ is very often misunderstood. It isn’t, as first appears a completely pessimistic take on life, in fact it’s more realistic than you might think. In truth, it means all things are impermanent, nothing lasts forever, we get old, sick and die, relationships change and fall apart, and nothing stays the same. And it’s physics too! Actually the reasoning behind this is not that these things are suffering in themselves but it’s our reaction to them that causes the suffering. When we are attached to how things should be and can’t accept the way things are, this is what gives us all the heartache. This is the 2^nd Noble Truth, ‘Suffering is caused by selfishness,’ which is seeing yourself as a separate part of the whole that is everything, as a distinct ego.

Is it possible to eliminate suffering? Yes, and this what the Buddha spent many years discovering. The 3rd Noble Truth ‘The extinguishing of suffering’ is what he called Nirvana, which is quite literally, the blowing out of suffering. He believed it was possible for everyone, regardless of situation, gender or class to eliminate suffering, and we do this through following the Eightfold Path, the 4rth Noble Truth. The path of 8 stages focuses on seeing the world as it actually is, stopping the accumulation of bad karma and practising meditation and mindfulness.

The Dhammapada is an amazingly refreshing read every time I dip into it. It’s amazing how we can get something different each time we return to a book or a movie we love, it’s incredibly indicative of the impermanence and changing nature of ourselves. We are not the same people we were as children, teenagers, even yesterday! This impermanent nature means we can shape tomorrow today, what we think today, we become tomorrow. We never have to be stuck with the same old unproductive thinking because as the Buddha said, ‘the only constant is change.’ And that’s physics too!

When I was a child, I had the amazing blessing that was my father’s library. I call it the ‘Dreamtime Library’ as it was often a place of escapism and I still have the odd dream about it. There were 3 books that made a particular impression on me, the Tao Te Ching I talked about in my last post, The Dhammapada which I will talk about in my next post and a rather large hardback on the collected works of Sufism. Don’t get me wrong, I was a huge Winnie the Pooh fan, but these 3 works of brilliance are what I often think gave me my restless quest for knowledge and what others may say gave me my rebellious and flighty attitude. Within this third book of the trinity was a collection of selected writings by a man named Mevlana Rumi. I was instantly smitten.

I am always keen to introduce people to the works of Rumi and his work is almost always on my ‘books to buy for friends’ list. He was born in Afghanistan in the 13^th century and he lived his life in Konya, Turkey. Now I have been to Turkey many times but I’ve never had the privilege of visiting Konya, perhaps it’s just not my time, yet. I often wonder what it would have been like to meet the man they called, “the spokesman for the religion of love in the language of the heart.” This is a description that is tremendously fitting and says it all, I mean what more do you need? I see so much of a connection between Sufism and other mystical traditions and philosophies of compassion and love, they are all connected. Lao Tzu, the Buddha and Rumi may have used different languages but many of their ideas were fundamentally the same.

For me, timeless wisdom from Rumi comes in the form of discovering your own truth and living in the now. He says, “if you’re knowledge of fire has been turned to certainty by words alone, then seek to be cooked by the fire itself, don’t abide in borrowed certainty.” Not we know of course, children that Rumi was not suggesting we jump in the fire, metaphorically speaking of course, don’t take another’s word for it. I did a post last year where I quoted Descartes saying the same thing, it is important to find your own truth. Sure, there are things we can take for granted that are dangerous and are said for our own good but absolute truth has to be discovered by itself, words don’t do it any justice. Also, if your gut feeling tells you that something is not quite right, no matter what another person is saying, that’s a sure fire sign that a different choice is needed. And what is the best way to access and discover these truths? A favourite quote of mine from Rumi says exactly the same thing as Lao Tzu and the Buddha did centuries before him. He urges us to spend time in solitude, beyond conscious thought and rational reason. However, it’s not necessarily a place of solitude as he understood the complete interconnectedness of all things at the level of the heart. He said, “out beyond the ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” He was truly a spokesman for the religion of love.

When I first learnt to read, I had my pick of the most amazing and uplifting books that had ever been written. It was like a dream beginning for me. My father was an avid reader of philosophy and spiritual wisdom and I followed suit thanks to the ‘dreamtime’ library. One of my favourite books and one of my earliest memories of inspiration and clear thought was the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. I think the reason why I loved this book so much initially was the beautiful illustrations of China’s landscape in all seasons. This particular version of the book was incredibly in tune with Lao Tzu’s wisdom and the ideas of Taoism in general, due to the breathtaking photography.

It is traditionally thought that the composition of this text was circa the 6^th century BC, so its wisdom has been around for a very long time. The ideas are as old as time itself yet surpasses it. For a long time I struggled with the opening words of the book and didn’t get much further because I thought it was mind blowingly perplexing:

“The Tao that can be spoken is not the real Tao.”

However, the fun of this was in fact, at 5 years old, I understood it as, “okay, can’t talk about it, so let’s look at some more of the lovely pictures.” (There was one with a panda that was always my favourite!) Now, all these years later, I know that is exactly what Lao Tzu was trying to convey, we can’t describe it in words so lets understand it by letting go of the thought and absorbing ourselves in the beauty of nature. We can debate about the reality that is in everything and everywhere until we are blue in the face and yet we won’t have described a fraction of it. I think this is where Lao Tzu and Socrates would differ, had they ever met.

Instead of debate, Lao Tzu encourages us to be in solitude and stillness, this alone will bring us the peace and the truth we are seeking. This wisdom, in its pure simplicity, has been passed down from master to student and has been spoken about by every spiritual teacher and writer that has existed since. Why is this such a meaningful and profound message? When you spend some quiet time, just you alone, no-one else, in quiet meditation or contemplation, slowing down that conscious mind chit-chat, that part of you that knows comes to the fore. It has taken me a long time to truly understand the amazing wisdom here, most probably because I never liked spending two minutes on my own let alone half an hour or an hour. Now my best insights come in those times of stillness, it just took me a while to realise the simple wisdom of the Tao Te Ching that was so innate when I was a child.

As 50 ideas in 50 days draws to a close, I am struck by the similarities in wisdom that reside over both time and culture. It doesn’t matter whether you are concerned with business, relationships, spirituality or mindset, there are some strong similarities across the board.

Peace is not about the extremes in life. If we rely on something else outside of ourselves to bring us euphoria then we must realise the temporary nature of those highs and peaks are always accompanied by their opposites just like the ebb and flow of the tide. We must be at peace with ourselves inwardly and then we can have any emotion accompanied by an underlying stillness.

How do we create peace and calmness inside? Well, from the 50 days a few things come to mind, particularly from Wayne Dyer, Sonia Choquette and Esther and Jerry Hicks. Firstly, if we feel too overwhelmed with a situation and have too many thoughts fighting with each other, it’s important to stop that train of thought, spend some time completely surrounded by nature or in meditation. Anything that stops the conscious mind chatter should then bring much clearer answers to you. Secondly, find something to be grateful of every day, there is always something good to be found and very often the beauty of the simplest things is the most profound. Finally, change those negative thoughts around as quickly and as often as possible. If you’re like me, you may find it difficult at first, if you have been more used to the glass being half empty but really, practice eventually makes the glass well and truly half-full.

Day 50 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Both Tony and Jim are huge in the personal development field, particularly in the area of performance psychology. The basis of The Power of Full Engagement is that it is, “energy, not time that is the fundamental currency of high performance.” This is great news for those of us who think that there are never enough hours in the day. The 4 principles of Full Engagement are as follows:

1. “Full engagement requires drawing on four separate but related sources of energy; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.”
2. “Because energy diminishes both with overuse and with underuse, we must balance energy expenditure with intermittent energy renewal.”
3. “To build capacity we must push beyond our normal limits, training in the same systematic way that elite athletes do.”
4. “Positive energy rituals – highly specific routines for managing energy, are the key to full engagement and sustained high performance.”

It is important to live in harmony with the natural rhythms of the universe, be it the seasons, the sunrise or the ebb and flow of the waves. This should be so in every part of our day to day lives, work periods and rest periods. This is managing our energy effectively. In sport, this idea began with Flavius Philostratus (AD 170-245) who wrote training manuals for Greek athletes. Russian sports scientists resurrected the concept in the 1960’s and began applying it with stunning success to their Olympic athletes. Today, ‘work-rest’ ratios lie at the heart of periodization, a training method used by elite athletes throughout the world.”

Jim spent a long time analysing top tennis players and their matches and he found that the distinguishing feature was not in how they played but in the differences in what they did between points. He says, “the best players had each built almost exactly the same set of routines between points. These included the way they walked back to the baseline after a point, how they held their heads and shoulders, where they focused their eyes, the pattern of breathing and even the way they talked to themselves.” He noticed that in the time between points, the best players were able to lower their heart rates by as much as 20 beats per minute. This ensures that energy is conserved, sharpness is increased throughout the game and fatigue is lessened. It makes sense doesn’t it? It is important to apply this to all parts of our lives if we wish to utilise our energy effectively and avoid burn out. This means proper quality rest, not TV or filling the body and mind with toxins, it defeats the whole purpose.

This is definitely good quality advice for ending my 50 ideas in 50 days.

Day 49 of 50 ideas in 50 days is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Classical Greek philosophy is one of my favourite areas of philosophy as it is so vast and covers all areas of thinking such as, mind, morality, dialectic and metaphysics. Western philosophy was born here. Marcus Aurelius lived in the 2^nd century, from 121 to 180 and is considered to be one of the most important Stoic philosophers. Meditations is a collection of writings he wrote in his journal about the lessons he learnt as a young man, before he became emperor. His wisdom was amazing and it is just as relevant now as it was all that time ago. It just goes to show, the most powerful ways of thinking are just as useful regardless of the time. Wisdom transcends both time and space.

Marcus says, “take it that you have died today and your life’s story is ended; and henceforward regard what future time may be given you as an uncovenanted surplus and live it out in harmony with nature.” So, imagine you have been given some extra time (that wasn’t in the contract). How would you live each day? I would imagine that you’d live each like it was your last since it has been gifted to you. He says, “were you to live 3000 years, or even 30,000 remember the sole life which a man can lose is that which he is living at the moment; and furthermore, that he can have no other life except the one he loses…this means that the longest life and the shortest amount to the same thing.” The most important thing is the moment we are living now, we don’t have anything else, so make the best of this precious time.

Another crucial point Marcus makes about how precious each moment is, is in the fact that everything changes so quickly – we can grasp at nothing. (It is in this grasping that the Buddha believed suffering arose, around 800 years before Marcus.) Marcus says, “ time is a river, the resistless flow of all created things. One thing no sooner comes in sight than it is hurried past and another is borne along, only to be swept away in it’s turn.” All things are impermanent and this constant is perhaps the only thing we can truly be certain of in life. So, if this is the only truth, remember that the things like the negative opinions of others are most certainly not truth. They have no power over you, unless you let them. Marcus says, “the approval of such men, who do not even stand well in their own eyes, has no value for him.” For someone to disapprove and criticise so much, their opinion of themselves must be poor in the first place. He reminds us that we need not have any distress over external opinion, “the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you can revoke at any moment.”

Marcus truly lived the wisdom that he recorded in his journal and this wisdom is as real in the 21^st century world as it was in 2nd century Europe. Truly timeless knowledge.

Day 48 of 50 ideas in 50 days is The Wheel of Time by Carlos Castaneda. I first read Carlos Castaneda whilst studying South American history at university as part of my Spanish course. It wasn’t part of the curriculum, I came across one of his books in the library and loved it. So, I’m very pleased to be looking at the key ideas of The Wheel of Time. Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of Toltec wisdom is how it inspires and encourages us to take a journey into self-discovery that leads to transcending any conditioning and to following our own individual path. This is something that is echoed by many tribal traditions across the globe. There are 3 specific points I’d like to focus on from The Wheel of Time.                    

1. Make sure the path that you choose is a path with a heart, if you are at the decision stage and you feel there is no warmth and feeling in this choice, forget it. Carlos says, “anything is one of a million paths therefore a warrior must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if he feels that he should not follow it, he must not stay with it under any conditions…there is a question that a warrior has to ask mandatorily: “Does this path have a heart?”” How does this decision feel to you? Does it feel right? No heart, no path.
2. “Once a man worries, he clings to anything out of desperation; and once he clings he is bound to get exhausted or to exhaust whoever or whatever he is clinging to. A warrior-hunter, on the other hand, knows he will lure game into his traps over and over again, so he doesn’t worry.” It’s all about knowing and trusting. Once you begin that spiral of worry, you set in motion a whole host of negativity and begin to cling to things in desperation. If we focus on the positive or the negative, the amount of effort is the same, so choose not to worry. Carlos says, “the trick is in what one emphasises. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”
3. Carlos goes on to say that our lives are full of the internal chatter in our heads, so if the internal chatter is negative or if it is incessant worry about things you cannot change – stop it! “And whenever we finish talking to ourselves about the world and about ourselves, the world is always as it should be.” Does negative internal chatter actually change the situation? Does it make the situation better or does it make your life any easier? Most probably the answer is no. So stop it, be aware of what is happening around you and find something to appreciate.